let me be

assalamualaikum.

i don't really understand why there is a need to discriminate. i don't ask for a lot. all i am asking for is a little bit of understanding and well, patience i guess.

i don't understand why the fact that i am interested in art and literature means that i, quite frankly does not have any future ahead of me.

i don't understand why does the dream that i have, which is to be a writer seems to concern a lot of stupid people.

'writing is a dying field, by the time you made it, you will be at least 50++'


*deep breath*

so what if i finally made it (insya Allah) i will be old and wrinkled and ugly? i don't mind. at least i finally accomplish my long lived dream before i actually die.

you think i don't know how hard it is to make it? the money, the time, the sacrifice, the fucking sacrifice that i have to make, so that i would make it? you think i don't know that there are lots of other better people than me out there? you think i don't know that people barely read anymore? you think i don't know all that facts?

hey, i know.

books, reading, they are the dying, wilting, wonderful things in the world. given the smart technology nowadays, a book does not have a value anymore. everything is on the fucking line, on the net on the virtual world.

what about hugging a book to sleep, keeping a book in your bag just in case if you get bored, re-reading the same old yellowed book again and again. what about the awesome smell after you kept a book for a period of time. what about that? what if the next generations miss all that.

what if, all the books died, they say, what if no one wants to read anymore.

guess what, i would still not going to stop writing.

don't you understand that writing has simply become as easy as breathing for me? and just like breathing, i will die if i ever stop doing it.

so, stop discriminating me. i know what i am going to get myself into. okay. i know you are concern and i don't know, weirded out maybe. but please, i don't need any of that.

my parents said;

'i am not going to stop you.'

thank you for allowing me to make mistakes. for me to learn. thank you for not judging be and fine when i am not as smart in math or science as you hoped for. thank you for not being disappointed in me.

let me be.

jazmin.