a note for everybody.

assalamualaikum.

if i could write a note for everyone that matters to me,

abah:

please don't build up any kind of expectations, because Abah, i am jazmin, and i bound to disappoint.

emak:

i think you are immune to my failure now aren't you? i hope you can still put up with me because there are millions more failures to come.

angah:

yes, you can say it out loud ngah, you ARE better than me in every fucking way. you are smatter, more discipline, and a lot more in other ways. and i still will be the happy stupid older sister who fucked up everytime.

umar:

umar, i don't know EVERYTHING. i don't. most of the time, i just made it up.

PBProGirls:

i am so sorry i can't tell you a lot about myself and the secrets and pain that i have been keeping to myself. it's just that i don't trust you guys enough. heh, who am i kidding, i never trusted anyone with these secrets of mine.

GuyFriends:

you got to see that i am a girl too. even i talk, laugh, fart, act like a guy, i am still a girl. a little scared girl.

Family:

i am sorry none of you know me. and it is all my fault.

Me:

heh, Jazmin, if you had a penis and your penis is long enough, i would ask you to go and fuck yourself already.

FutureMe:

heh. *diam* doa banyak2 Jazmin. Allah sentiasa ada. doa.

j

confession: aku tak terkejut kalau aku disahkan ada depresi. aku tak terkejut. aku dah lama prepare. cuma perlu di diagnos. tapi, kalau aku disahkan tidak ada depresi, aku tahu yang aku ada juga.

ps: payah kau jaz. lagi kau dewasa, lagi pesimis kau jadi. lagi gelap kau jadi. lagi lebih bijak menipu kau jadi. payah kau jaz.

pps: ya Allah, help me. for i have nowhere to turn but to You, and to You only.

*kesat air mata*

*senyum*