you think you love me.

assalamualaikum

the first time you ever told me that you loved me was like this;

'i think i am in love with you'

you think you were in love with me. think. while at that moment, i was in love with you. nope, i did not think. i just knew that i was in love with you.

here's the thing about that moment though, you may not know this but i cried. not because you told me that you loved me.

it was because you told me that you thought you were in love with me when all i wanted was for you to fall head over heels, stumbled upon everything you stepped on and fell flat on your face but you don't really feel it because your feelings were just only for me. i wanted you to fall as hard as i did, so i don't feel like it is 70:30. i am the 70 percent while you were the 30 percent.

if you asked me to love you forever at that moment, i would.

but eventually, you did loved me, with all your heart. but i still think about the first time you said it to me.

think

look where it had gotten us to.

somewhere better i guess. hahaha. well, Allah set this up for a reason, mainly to get us as far as we can from sins of course. haha.

but also, maybe we are never going to be together ever again. you and i, we shared a lot, learnt a lot, and when i say 'a lot' i really mean it. A Lot. together, we thought that we could beat the odds, we could be together forever, have kids, grandchildren, hold hands when we are older later, sampai tua. haha, childish dreams are always the best don't you agree?

but then, if it's not meant to be, it never will, will it?

i loved, from the way your long hair (when it was long) swayed to my touch, the way your smile changes when you were looking at me. and the way your eyes went big and shiny like a pair ball of hopes when you looked at me. your laugh, i used to strain my brain to find the funniest thing so that you would laugh all over the place but most of the time, i would not even try because you already thought that i was funny. hahaha. the nights when you used to make up stories to me so i would fall asleep to your voice, and i would talk all kind of shits to you so you would fall asleep too.

to remember it back. mann, we were a disgusting pair of couple weren't we? the lovey dovey stuff, the i love you(s), the i will love you forever shits. realizing it back made it all seem so disgusting.

as disgusting as it was, you truly did loved me with all your heart didn't you? and thank you. thank you for that.

mister, you are better than you could ever picture yourself as and as if for me, i know who i am and where do i stand.

thank you, for i can't find any better words than those two. i loved of love you, well, it is none of your business, it is mine and if i want to love you, i will, so, thank you.

from you think you love me to you love me so much and to the point where breaking up happened. hahaha.

nothing but the best mister, nothing but the best.

J

confession: one of those days where the thought of you popped into my mind.