masa.

assalamualaikum.

ya Allah. Alhamdulillah.

well, i've been busy. and being busy is okay i guess. better than doing nothing. but do you know what's better when i am busy. i didn't think of you. yes you. i thought it would be over by now. i really do. yes, i am trying and i never stop trying to get over instead of being kept under. so, i keep thinking, what should i do so i will be busy forevermore. i compacted my schedule with so many things. not that i have a schedule but i made myself busy each and everytime i found myself wondering, 'how to make it right,' or 'what the hell went wrong,'. i get out of the way whenever that type of questions popped into mind. i've been asking myself hell lots of time with that questions before.

hence, i never had the answer. it's Allah's way to show that He had other plans for me and i am so sure that it will be better. so, like it or not, i have to stop myself from asking that kind of absurd question anymore. i am a busy bee nowdays.

whenever you popped into mind... you know, it still hurts. like i torn apart my skin and pour it with some lime juice or something. it hurts so bad that sometimes, tears will sting my eyes. and i do not like that at all.

i dont know how long it will take, i thought that by these times, i will be over you but instead, look at me. i guess, when you had that kind of past, it is never easy to forget. it's like a scar on your face. whenever you look in the mirror it'll just tell the whole tale.

especially you. from a torn wound, to a bruised skin. it still hurts. i know that time will soon just change it to scar. it'll no longer hurt but it also never fade.

hebat sungguh awak. paling suka menghabiskan masa saya. salah saya juga. siapa suruh cari ruang untuk masukkan awak walaupun awak dah tarik diri bukan?

sorry, i am busy.

but you'll always stay as 'always have and always will.'

(:

coretan.rentetan.saya.

Jazmin.

pengakuan: sudah lama tak membebel. sekali taip, berterabur keluar semuanya.

lirik: sekadar kata.

assalamualaikum.

tirai di angkat dengan perlahan.

perlahan juga ku tarik nafas aksara.

ku diberikan, perkataan.

dan kuludahkan maruah yang aku simpan.

tapi sayang yang keluar hanyalah kata.

suara masih tersemat di dalam dada.

bibir ku ketap tak memanggil siapa.

hanya memandang mata yang terkebil saja.

aku disuruh ketawa sewaktu ku sedih.

aku disuruh menangis ketika ku mahu menjerit.

ku terperangkap di atas pentas.

tirai dibuka dan aku ialah 'dia'.

tapi sayang yang keluar hanyalah kata.

suara masih tersemat di dalam dada.

bibir ku ketap tak memanggil siapa.

hanya memandang mata yang terkebil saja.

aku dihiaskan bagai permainan.

aku sisipkan lakonan di balik penipuan.

terperangkap.

tiada yang mendengar.

tapi sayang. tapi sayang.

yang ku jerit hanyalah kata.

bukan suara.

jazmin.

video di atas sebelah kiri (:

berani berdiri dah cukup bagus.

assalamualaikum.

aku seorang pelakon.

di balik tabir aku menangis.

airmata bergayut di kelopak.

namun.

bila diangkatnya layar.

aku disuruh senyum.

aku dipaksa ketawa.

aku bersembunyi di belakang watak.

yang megah dan gagah.

aku bertopengkan keberanian.

yang sekadar kata.

tetapi bukan suara.

sayang.

aku cuma pelakon.

suara yang menyampaikan madah kosong.

kata yang sekadar bohong.

sayang bukan?

tetapi, berdiri jadi berani di depan khalayak yang tak seberapa. buat aku sedar, ada baiknya jadi pelakon daripada diri sendiri di balik tabir. yang lemah, pengalah.

aku pelakon bukan?

coretan.bodoh.hodoh.

jazmin.

pengakuan: tiada motif.

diam.

assalamualaikum.

kau pejam mata.

cuba kau bisukan suara.

biarkan bunyi tak menerpa telinga.

penjarakan suara di lubuk dunia.

biarkan mata kau digelapkan warna.

deria kau mati biar tak merasa.

keringkan telaga airmata yang terbenam.

kosongkan jiwa yang dahulunya penuh.

dan lupakan engkau yang dulu.

nescaya kan diam dunia engkau.

coretan.kosong.sangat.

jazmin.

pengakuan: beritahu aku, kalau aku jatuh, apa perlu aku bangun? kalau aku ketawa perlukah aku berhenti. dan jika aku tidur, adakan akan aku bangun.

saya sudah besar nampaknya. mereka dah keluar.

gogglegediks.

gogglebonbon.

(:

gogglehyke

gogglemeer

gogglecap

assalamualaikum.

entah, bila pergi sekolah, nostalgik pula bila memikirkan yang paling tua ada di sana ialah umur saya. pelik. weird.

it's weird to be the one kids look up on to. it's funny when people expect me or us to be matured when we are obviously not.

and, entah. it's just not right anymore without the people above. it's like, weird. entah. i never thought that i'll grow up and going to be leaving school one of these days. goshh.

i am growing up without realising it. and it's terrifying. it's too much to take it at times.

entahh.

coretan.rentetan.entah.

jazmin

pengakuan: rindu. serius rindu. bukan saya sorang saja cakap macam ini. orang lain pun sama.

ps: haikal, aku cilok gambar dari mukabuku kau. (:

the end.

assalamualaikum.

the end.

are you familiar with this feeling? there's this scratching pain that is scorching on your heart. there's suddenly an unfamiliar touch of tears lingering on the corner of your eyes. the way you have to tell yourself to breathe in but your mind wouldn't react to it. suddenly, there's these voices you're hearing, the one you had forbid yourself to hear. the memories you're neglecting come across your mind. the touch of the familiar skin, and the scent that you used to adore dawdling around you.

it's like a ghost. and whilst i was telling myself i am not afraid, it'll come back haunting me, reminding me that, i can't just pass through it. there's pain. and there's wound i shall soon witness on me.

i really hope that this will comes to an end. some things are unbearable, though i know Allah won't give His servants something that they can never handle. i believe so much in Him so, i know, one day it'll be over.

there's no winner between me and the ghost, there's just strings that never wanted to be abandoned. but then, it'll snap soon.

then the ghost shall soon find it's path and so do i.

fin.

coretan.harapan.saya.

jazmin

pengakuan: insya Allah (:

tahun baru bagi ranting kering (:

assalamualaikum awal masihi duaribusebelas.

at first i was like 'what the hell? SPM already kah?' *sigh*

then i started going insane. so, here's my wish.

HAPP

PY

NEW

YEAR!!

huh? weird? get over it dude.

here's my bed partner. mr.apeduck and eminem.

so, happy new year again. next year i'll be out of school and who knows what might happen to me by that time. i just hope that this year i'll be better that yesteryear. and, like any other student, i tend to study harder for better life in this world and to never forget Allah, no matter how forgetful i might be. less cursing too.

entah, just the same resolution i made this awal muharam. not much difference. i just vow to myself to keep it as long as i can. try as hard as i can. and i don't know. i really had nothing to say. just, have a nice new year.

coretan.tahun.baru

jazmin.

pengakuan: what happened to us? why am i always find harm to myself when i am almost perfectly fine? why?

ps: again. what had happen to us? tell me.