Silver Lining.

I've done a lot of thinking lately. About myself that is. I am trying to figure me out. And, just then, I realised, I am much more complicated than I gave my credit for.

And.

Not just that. I've discovered hell lots of other things, even the one that I have been keeping it silent under my thick musky layers of mask.

and. it sent shivers running down my spine.

so. here it goes.

The List.

I am.

a liar.

stupid.

immature.

loud.

creepy.

honest-to-god annoying.

curse a lot.

cried just for the sake of it.

manipulative.

undependable.

yell just to make sure i'm alive.

laugh to hide.

cry to smile.

a person who deceive others to be happy.

smile to strangers.

talk and never seem to end.

act like a man.

try to be tough.

hard core.

puckrock.

hard-to-believe.

amusing.

refined.

always seeking for the unexpected.

trying to be unafraid.

childish.

longed to be taken into a hold.

rendering to hold rainbows in my palms.

cold.

undeniable.

unforgettable.

unavoidable.

unforgiving.

overbearing.

render the tender voices to just close my eyes.

cry before i smile.

plastic.

hypocrite.

poetic

words.

I am, each and every word that people will somehow come to despise. I am each and every single thing that is full of hatred. I belittle myself to this outgrown world. I am what words keep failing to describe. I am someone who keep disappoints. I am, like I have told before: a mistake.

But. In a deep black cloud that never seem to be touch by a glimpse of sunshine, still have a touch of silver lining.

and, I, majestically, presents with my own, faint silver lining.

i am not shy.

i have a family who have to keep and love me no matter what i did.

i have a man who promised to be with me until the time comes.

i have friends who are undeniably uncapable of leaving me.

never alone.

i am what words can never define.

i have what others don't have.

i have Rizqan.

i am in love.

and, well. just for the sake of it.

i am me.

not even the world can change what i am, and what i am becoming. not even you.

ps: hey, you keep clouding on top of my mind. and.

i cant make you vanish. but somehow, i love it bcause

it'll keep the image of you in my mind, yang.

pps: yes, i am in love.

coretan.yang.entahlah.

Jaz.