Makin Rapat.

huh.

merdeka makin rapat.

31august12010.

sudah makin dekat.

*senyum gedik*

yang...

lagi berapa tahun agaknya ya?

saya tunggu awak tahu.

tunggu.

tunggu.

tunggu.

ohh!

and, awakk,

the 'unsparkle and unexpensive' can wait yang.

saya tak kisah. sumpah :)

wee~

tak sabar.

*senyum lebar sebatu*

ps: forever yours.

pps: heheheh. :))

coretan.yang.gedik.

Jaz.

i've been all these time blinded.

by the whitest of the white lies.

covering me while i am intemperately wounded.

and terrorising me in front of my spited eyes.

*sigh*

i swear to god.

i really assume that he was nice.

while he speaks, he breath the scent of paradise.

he let me linger into the depth of his life.

and he said, he needs me to let him taste the bliss of life.

*smile weakly*

i was feeling nothing rather than surprise.

to discover he's only made up of layers of masks which lies.

he hold on to me so tight until i'm sliced.

little by little in fron of my eyes, my life is jeoperdise.

though, once i tried to gamble my luck with a dice.

i let it roll and roll and dance like it doesnt do anything else.

dont it realize it's holding my life?

or am i the one who's stupid to gamble the dice?

*covering my face with a mask*

when one time, he tried to compromise.

i was really convinced by his masks of lies.

for me, i am truly ashamed and disgust.

tumbling down that road of him, twice.

*shivers*

once, he whispered if i leave him, he'll leave me agonize.

he'll haunt me till the day my heart starts to cry.

he'll cut me to piece that i myself may not recognize.

that it's really me in the puddle of mud lies and disgust.

*smile ecstatically*

and one day i adjudicated to end all of these sullen lies.

it has to come to an end in my life.

because, in my hand, i am bearing a silver knife.

whilst he's on the floor looking daunted like he had catch a glimpse of hell rather than paradise.

oh yes i laugh and smile like i never did in my life.

when he's covered with his own piss of lies.

trembling while i sang a lullaby and whispers my goodbyes.

and i stab the knife in his heart and watch him with his cries.

to sleep. to die.

i am so euphoric i cant seem to let him die that riotously.

so , i make him suffer for a little while.

and leave him with the traces of his own lies.

oh and i smile, oh i smile.

ps: ini aku coret buat suka-suka. bagi mereka-mereka

yang punya 'abusive' hubs or bfs, think babe. you dont

deserve that kind of treatment. so, stand tall, and hold

a knife, a gun, a bullet, a somebody, and kill him with

what he really deserve.

pps: hati-hati. aku sayang wanita. aku sayang kita-kita

corentan.sakit. hati.

Jaz.

whoaaahh!!

kekasih :)

*senyum gatal*

you asked me that question. you asked that question!

you don't know how unbelievably speechless i am at that particular moment.

how breathless i am at that particular moment.

i swear to god, i got tears, tiny, little, fat, tears on the tip of my eyes.

you said that you would do it properly this time.

to make if really, and i mean REALLY REALLY official.

you said that you'd buy me an unsparkle and an unexpensive ring.

and.

i am incapable of uttering the right words except:

"REALLY??! REALLY??!"

hahaha.

erghh.

you really had gotten me off guard.

i mean. come on!

we were talking about nothing other than nonsense at that time and then:

KEBABOOM!

marry me would you?

god.

ohmigod.

ya Allah.

ya Allah.

!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! YEAH! YUP! YES! YES! YES!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i made it kinda clear right? hehehehe.

i'm kinda waiting for a ring.

:)

ps:i love you muhammad rizqan.

always have. always will.and not even you can

change that fact. got that. :)

pps: silverdragon. here i come. haha.

*senyum suka hati*

coretan.'senyumtakbehenti'.suka.

jaz.

Silver Lining.

I've done a lot of thinking lately. About myself that is. I am trying to figure me out. And, just then, I realised, I am much more complicated than I gave my credit for.

And.

Not just that. I've discovered hell lots of other things, even the one that I have been keeping it silent under my thick musky layers of mask.

and. it sent shivers running down my spine.

so. here it goes.

The List.

I am.

a liar.

stupid.

immature.

loud.

creepy.

honest-to-god annoying.

curse a lot.

cried just for the sake of it.

manipulative.

undependable.

yell just to make sure i'm alive.

laugh to hide.

cry to smile.

a person who deceive others to be happy.

smile to strangers.

talk and never seem to end.

act like a man.

try to be tough.

hard core.

puckrock.

hard-to-believe.

amusing.

refined.

always seeking for the unexpected.

trying to be unafraid.

childish.

longed to be taken into a hold.

rendering to hold rainbows in my palms.

cold.

undeniable.

unforgettable.

unavoidable.

unforgiving.

overbearing.

render the tender voices to just close my eyes.

cry before i smile.

plastic.

hypocrite.

poetic

words.

I am, each and every word that people will somehow come to despise. I am each and every single thing that is full of hatred. I belittle myself to this outgrown world. I am what words keep failing to describe. I am someone who keep disappoints. I am, like I have told before: a mistake.

But. In a deep black cloud that never seem to be touch by a glimpse of sunshine, still have a touch of silver lining.

and, I, majestically, presents with my own, faint silver lining.

i am not shy.

i have a family who have to keep and love me no matter what i did.

i have a man who promised to be with me until the time comes.

i have friends who are undeniably uncapable of leaving me.

never alone.

i am what words can never define.

i have what others don't have.

i have Rizqan.

i am in love.

and, well. just for the sake of it.

i am me.

not even the world can change what i am, and what i am becoming. not even you.

ps: hey, you keep clouding on top of my mind. and.

i cant make you vanish. but somehow, i love it bcause

it'll keep the image of you in my mind, yang.

pps: yes, i am in love.

coretan.yang.entahlah.

Jaz.

jadi macam mereka.

idola kasih aku. abahemak. mahu jadi macam mereka.

.2010.

lihat dia. dan kemudian lihat aku.

cuba banding. ergghh.

aku cemburu sama dia.

hidung mancung.

bibir lebar.

leher panjang.

muka kacak.

mata sepet, hitam, cantik.

aku pula.

aduhh. lihatlah. pandanglah.

hidung kemek.

mata panda.

gigi jongos.

bibir hitam asap.

mata coklat.

kurus papan.

betapa bertuahnya aku. boleh buat dia jatuh sama aku. erggh.

mungkin kamu orang kata aku takkan kahwin sama dia.

maklumlah usia pun masih remaja.

cinta-cinta ini panggil cinta monyet saja.

heh.

jangan pandang remehlah.

tahulah kami remaja lagi.

tapi tak bermakna kami hanya bermain kasih.

jadi, tolong, aku pinta, berhenti memerli.

kamu orang tak tahu.

atau kamu orang kata kami cliche.

katakan saja.

kerana, harfiahnya kami saja yang tahu.

*senyum satu juta ringgit*

ya. betul.

kami berbeza.

dari sang mereka-mereka.

ps: abahemak. aku mahu jadi mereka. haha.

pps: agak mustahil. kerana mereka perfect sgt.

coretan.pemberanganan.benar.

Jaz.